Introduction
An optional part of my subjective model of myself is a story about my Essence, where it came from, and why. As with the other parts of the model, the point is not to make claims that can be verified, but to give a perspective that can be useful for managing myself to enhance my Inner Power.
The Source of my Soul
My soul, which is another name for my Essence, is an eternal and powerful spiritual entity. Is has only love, joy, confidence, peace, courage, etc. – all the positive values and positive emotions.
It originates in the Spiritual Dimension, which is the source of all souls. Before my physical body was born, I (the soul) existed in this dimension. I deliberately decided to go into a physical body in order to experience both joys and challenges. The purpose of these challenges is to help me develop spiritually.
To create the challenges, two things are needed: First, earthly hardships, such as physical hunger and pain, as well as the need to make great efforts to physically survive, get food and shelter, make social connections, handle poverty, illness, and violence. Second, and more importantly, the ability to feel painful emotions and suffering was implanted in my brain. While this mind has some good properties, it also has a lot of defects. Furthermore, it was deliberately infected by The Virus, to make the experience harder.
The Virus contains destructive patterns and beliefs absorbed from my surroundings (family, teachers, culture, etc.). It may cause my mind to pass negative criticism about me, or ridicule me, or tell me that I’m too weak to succeed, or that I am not worthy of love. Realize how absurd this is – instead of being a useful instrument that empowers me and allows me to think and behave effectively and optimally, the virus-infected mind has harmful thinking which causes a lot of distress and emotional pain in my Self. This weakens my Self and sabotages my ability to think clearly and act powerfully. But this setup is needed as part of the challenge that I (the soul) chose before I went into the physical body.
As long as we don’t know all that, we are at the mercy of The Virus and the powerful negative emotions it creates. And it has no mercy. It can torment us for hours, days, and sometimes an entire lifetime. It causes endless worries and distress, sabotages our ability to behave lovingly and kindly in close relationships. The suffering is sometimes so intense, that it can lead a person to commit suicide because he cannot bear this internal suffering anymore.
It is very empowering to tell myself that I (the soul) deliberately chose the earthly hardships. It moves me out of a perspective of being a victim of circumstances into a perspective of agency, of being able to affect myself and my life. I can adopt the perspective that I chose these challenges because I knew that I would be able to overcome them, and they would contribute greatly to my development.